Feed the Fire

Wonder wonder wonder.  Life is at a strange crossroads for me now.  My relationship just ended, my theater company is at a precipice, I am consciously tackling things that have remained up in the air.  I have been voraciously reading Joseph Campbell.  He has provided a beacon of hope and inspiration for me in this uncertain but profound time.  His wonder at the mysteries and fascinations of living as a human being propelled him through a life-long quest for understanding.  Although, maybe it wasn't a quest.  Maybe it was just a journey of understanding.

I just finished playing the Half Life 2: Episode Two.  (SPOILER ALERT) An important character unfairly dies at the end.  But before he does, he says he loves his daughter.  It's the last thing he needs to say.  At the end of my life, at the end of my time, it will be known who I love and how grateful I am for this life, and I will have nothing weighing on my mind.  Just love.  Love Actually is in my mind.  "When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love."

Practicing what I preach is tough, for some reason, today.  Hence, I've got inspiring quotes spinning in my head.   Dickens said we should

"Tenderly cherish the light of Fancy which is inherent in the human breast; which, according to its nurture, burns with an inspiring flame, or sinks into a sullen glare, but which (or woe betide the day!) can never be extinguished.  To show to all that in familiar things, even in those which are repellent on the surface, there is Romance enough, if we will find it out."

 Dickens and I are kindred spirits in this.  I seek to be as one who has found God.  Those religious folks who are poor of wallet, rich of infectious spirit.  However, it is not God Above that I seek, but God that is within us all.  Campbell has taught me that "God" is a symbol of something transcendent.  God is in us, god is all around us.  Our word for it is god.  I don't claim to understand it, or live it, but it is fun for me to think about and enriching to explore.

I am an artist.  That word, artist, is a symbol.  I suspect we are all "artists."  The book I'm reading is a collection of Campbell's ideas, and is called "Reflections on the Art of Living."  I'd never heard that before - The Art of Living.  But I love it!  Life cannot be lived by the book.  By any book.  Everyone's life is different.  Learning to live YOUR life is an art.  Not a science.  In art there are no rules, there are truths.  And even when you've got it figured out, you're wrong.  I'm wrong.  Even if I communicated my truth brilliantly, it will never be heard in the way I feel it.  And that is okay.  A life spent living as close as possible to the flame of those truths will keep me warm, and warm those around me to it.  Neither of us will completely understand the fire, but maybe we can feel its heat together.  The only way to communicate is to attempt to put words (symbols) to the truths of my soul.

Now, as ever, I am seeking the fire's heat, knowing it will nurture me.  Did I take that metaphor too far?  Maybe!  I was impressed with myself that the fire image popped into my head.  Had to hold on to it!