I feel alive, having just watched The Matrix. I feel sickened, I feel like a pawn. I feel stopped up every time I start to breathe true air, and get thrown back down to earth. Ok, here are a few thoughts.
Work - we "must" work to live. We "must" make money to survive. This is not an absolute truth. My job: Bartender. What I do as part of this job: I am responsible for maintaining an orderly, lively atmosphere, encouraging people to relax by buying food and drinking alcohol. Alcohol is not a problem solver. More often than not, I believe it to be detrimental. In the least, it keeps you numb. So does pizza, sugar, caffeine, etc. Things I have loved, and am addicted to. The leaps of my soul strike lightning in my mind. My body is not fueled well enough to carry them through, or fight through the fuzziness to the soul of a thought. Anyway, work. My roommate just FINALLY left his job. I preach "if you don't like it, quit." It's not just "like." There are specific things I am on this planet to do. Bartend is not one of them. My job is a series of skills acquired to enable me to eat, sleep, be warm, and occasionally dream. My dreams would be more plentiful without the job. My comfort would be less.
The Matrix - "There is no spoon." Wayne Dyer is a teacher of this idea. We have the ability to change our surroundings. With the power of though, meditation, training we may heal ourselves on a molecular level. We have the ability to change ourselves in that way. Why not extend that outward to being able to alter other parts of "reality"? When we begin to see the programming, we may escape it. There was an image of a helicopter smashing through a skyscraper in the movie. Post-9/11, that is not in movies, at least without a certain sensitivity. Yet this sensitivity is not reality. A building is composed of materials forged from Mother Nature's bounty. It is a construction of man. A helicopter is the same. Smashing them together creates an effect. What may be seen as destruction one way, is merely a change in another way. That destruction = death of people inside the building = tragedy. From our human standpoint, yes, a mass death is a tragedy. But then, what is death? A life has left a body, and is no longer see-able. We may no longer experience that person's soul. A person is a soul + a body. What happens to it is a mystery, generally. But it is not a tragedy. Tragedy is a tricky word. It is selfish, and slightly blind to a larger picture. Writing this, I'm aware that I sound like a "terrorist." But then that word - terrorist - one who uses terror for power. That is not my aim. Words are powerful.
We have developed survival tactics. Must eat to live. Must work to eat. Must protect self. Must keep safe distance. That is the animal in us. We may overcome this programming. I think it is only part of our potential. It is only part of our genetics, our makeup, it is changeable. It is within our personal resources to change it. It is within our power to question, to think, to wonder. I wonder. Magical phrase. It is not reaching outside of ourselves to wonder. "The Matrix" was a movie - a visual story - created by humans about the question: "What is reality?" And the further question, "What if, given the subjectivity of reality, we could change it?"
If I quit my job tomorrow and made the leap, what would that mean? What is my personal leap? What is my personal call to adventure, call to awakening? I want to be unplugged from The Matrix. My personal leap would be one of meditation daily. What is the goal? To strip away barriers around my soul or weights, tethers holding it down. I am a God. What does that mean? A God is something with the power to create something from nothing. A God may create life. I don't know about that for me. But that question should not be a scary one. "What if I am a God."
Constantly, I am hit with a wave of "What will they think of me?" THAT is a survival tactic. It is a conditioned habit. To care what other people think means we do not stand out. Means we do not cause a stir. Means we are accepted. We have a family. We have friends. These are things we "need" to feel comfortable, to feel supported. Those who have transcended that fear are admirable. If what I say or do is without malice, and is perceived as malicious, that is not my fault. I may try tactics to explain, but if I can just manage to not be hurtful or let the resulting frustrations get the "better" of me, there is nothing wrong saying or doing anything. So fuck what people think about it.
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