Kid Knew Wonder

I feel as though I've been chasing something with everything I do.  Some notion I saw clearly as a child.  Some spark of adventure.  I've been living my life trying to pin it down.  Tonight, I found a book that so completely captured my imagination as a kid called The Pagemaster.  A kid gets trapped in a library and goes on a magical adventure.  What is it about that story that drew me?  I picture vividly colored drawings, amazed characters.  I've been longing for the feeling I got when I was alone reading that adventure.  I distinctly remember sharing that story, gabbing non-stop to my friend's mom at his birthday party.  The book had been a gift for my friend, but really I think I just liked it.  In my head, if I liked something, everyone else would.

It really fired me up, like a lot of fantasy stuff.  Things that hit the wonder button in me.  Douglas Adams did that, The Cleric Quintet did that, Neverending Story kind of did that.  How does what I am and what I do now relate to that?  The Lord of the Rings stirs something deep inside me that is beyond just wonder and into a more adult profoundness.

Are the things that excited me as an imaginative kid just gone with those childhood years?  Am I not meant to experience that same wonder, joy, giddiness, laughter, adventure?

I first wanted to be a writer when I was a kid because the adventurous worlds inside of books was limitless.  I remember those signs in the school library - posters with worlds of adventure popping out of books before kids' eyes. I want to create that now.  I want to share that light.  My task then is to nail down what the fuck that is, and align my sights to following it.  I'm trying.  Everything I do has a bit of it.  But I feel that maybe I'm conforming to the actor life because it most closely fits that.  But I perhaps have yet to define my true bliss.  Follow your bliss.  If we all follow our bliss, we live our true purpose.  We live truth.

I must study this follow your bliss philosophy more.  Yet, in studying philosophy, I am always left with the feeling that it is interesting, but ultimately meaningless.  It is using the mind to understand that which is of the heart and soul.  The heart and soul are the guide.  All the answers are here, inside.

I am coming closer to my bliss I believe, but I can never forget to keep questing.  What was that thing that lit up my life so clearly as a kid, and why?  And how does that translate to life now?