I am nostalgic for the beginning stages of my theater group. I believe we had something there, and we got off track. Not unforgivably so, but I am have lost sight of what is important. It is so hard to steer a ship with this many crew members. We started out with such bright vision, and now it feels bogged down in the details. And in the pressure we have placed upon ourselves to produce an epic masterpiece.
I love these people. I remain ever-positive and ever progressive toward our current project's completion. Yet, our current project feels like it's missing the point of our existence. It feels like a delusion of grandeur, that is encouraged. And yet, my tongue, my brain, my heart is tied down. If I speak out my opinions, however clear and completely valid I see them, they will not be well received. I feel like I am living in fear, keeping my head down. And we are all so wonderfully talented, we can pull this off, and have it be well received. We can act the shit out of anything. Yet we are hell-bent on producing something with a ton of bells whistles, songs, glitz, glamour.... but no heart. No point. It's too late for this project. But my prayer is we stop settling for good, and produce something great.
Something great = something with soul = something we collectively come up with.
Yet, now that we are embarking on it, I will find great joy in working with my friends on something we all helped to create. There is joy and sadness there. And I pray I don't lose my mind.
This is an emotional roller coaster I am blessed to be on.
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